When A Mother's Heart Aches

"Dare to be different", Stand Strong", "Stand in the Gap", "Stand out for Jesus", "Stand up for Jesus" and many other catchy phrases inundated my children's early / mid childhood. They were quick to want to please their family, church and God so they took these challenges to heart and started applying them. Now let me start by saying they are not perfect and they are not sinless but they do desire to please God and strive to do so.

I have tried to always encourage them to stand up for those who were teased, make friends with the friendless kids, try to include everyone in group activities and most of all be who God made you to be; conformity is overrated! I have never wanted kids who looked like everyone else and acted like everyone else; little did I know my desires to raise them this way would also bring heart ache for them and myself.

Even within the Christian and homeschool society that we function in kids can and are cruel to each other. My kids have been pushed to change their hair, wear different clothes, talk different, pile on the make-up, listen to different music and reject the uncool kids. Most of the time they refused to give in but sometimes like most kids I saw they conform and it hurt; my heart truly ached. Not because they were doing what their friends wanted but because it seamed as if they could not see the value got had created them with. They seemed to loose sight of the fact they were fearfully and wonderfully made with a unique purpose.

I gave subtle hints and gently guided them back to where I felt God wanted them and by the Grace of God they followed and found greater joys.


Sydney has chosen to wear skirts and dresses only, headcoverings, little to no make-up, does not date, enjoys cooking, sewing, knitting and serving God and Her Family. Not to mention she spends time with her brothers, even in public. Not the typical teen girl. It has taken Sydney 17 years to get the where she is and it was not easy. She went through the straighten your curly hair, wear make-up and fashionable clothes stage, flirt, want a boyfriend, don't hang out with your brothers and all the other "cool" stuff but in the end came back to wanting to please God not so called friends. If you ever get time you can read about many of the journeys my oldest has taken to get to where she is, embracing God's desires for her life over the worlds on her blog.

Next is Ray, my oldest son. He was premature and until recently was always pretty small, nothing seems to say easy target as a small boy, why is that? His stance on guarding his eyes has also been a source of ridicule, he has tried to guard his eyes like no boy I know. He has refused to play video games or watch things that seem even remotely immodest. He turns over any magazine that has a bra ad on the back and in our past church refused to look at immodest pictures and told on the "cool kids" who were. You can imagine what that got him. Then once we changed churches he seemed to find a group to hang out with that didn't even mind his kid brother hanging around. I was truly overjoyed to see him with a group of guys that I knew had the same values he did and like him just how he was. However lately he has had issues with being picked on at work. He is working at a reelection campaign headquarters for a State Rep making and planting signs, calling people to remind them to sign up to vote, filling out questionnaires and such. He is enjoying it and is excited to be helping with campaign for a Godly man who has made changes in our state and pray continues to be able to serve. The down side, many other teens are there and they find Ray an easy target. He doesn't wear the right jeans or shoes; his hair isn't perfect and sometimes they just pick to pick. He has talked to one of the older guys and to my relief he has been a great help in reminding Ray that some people are just mean and pick on others to feel better. Somehow hearing that from someone besides mom and dad is reassuring when you are 15. Despite the fact that I know this is a learning experience and that God will continue to give Ray the ability to work through it my heart aches each night that he comes home and says they were at it again.

Then my youngest Vincent, he is skinny, has red hair, is very smart and has a wonderful vocabulary that he uses every chance he gets. He also has a desire to do right no matter what and always follows the rules. Well, when you are 13 all of those things make you stick out and other boys think he is just begging to be picked on.

Nothing breaks as mom's heart like her child's tears!

So what's a mother to when trying to raise children who want to bring honor to God in a world that doesn't? First and foremost I pray... a lot. I pray through out the day for them to have strength and the ability to do what's right by God's standard, not mine, not their dad's, not the cool kids and surely not the world's.

I have another post almost done that I plan to put up Thursday that is a part two to this one. It will give some simple things I have done and encouraged my kids to do to face these problems, and allow them to be building blocks not stumbling stones so... stayed tuned.